We think self worth comes from doing hard things, so we do hard things.
Then, when we do the hard things and we still feel the same as we did before, we resent how hard it is to find the feeling we're looking for.
Doing hard things this way just ultimately feels... hard.
Maybe the formula is flawed.
Maybe self worth was never about achievement to begin with.
Because let's be real, you've been doing hard things this entire time.
You've fought. You've achieved. You've won.
You've lost. You've surrendered. You've wept. You've grieved.
We all have.
There are millionaires crying in therapy about how empty they feel inside...
And people coming from the shelter a block from my place telling me how blessed they feel and asking me for a dollar and a smoke without shame...
Because they know they're worthy of receiving support.
There's no external achievement that's going to give your internal landscape anything different than the experiences it's already had.
Hope. Excitement. Love. Joy. Fear. Loss. Surrender. Heartache. Anger. Pride. Loneliness. Acceptance. Connection.
These words mark the story for each and every one of us no matter how different the chapters look.
We all take hard steps and we don't all have self worth.
And that's because there's no achievement hard enough to finally prove that you're courageous, smart, strong, loving, or worthy enough to be loved.
And if that's true, we need to normalize looking in a different direction for self worth.
Maybe self worth doesn't come from achievement.
Maybe it comes from acknowledging what you've already achieved.
Look at all this hard shit you've already done.
Look at what you've gotten through. The wins and the losses.
Look at how whole of a human you are and how whole of a life you're creating for yourself even with all the odds stacked against you. This shit wasn't built for any of us.
Look at how your heart has deepened to give you perspective, even when you had your head up your ass and were acting foolish.
Look at how it softened to give you connection when you desired it most.
Look at how it hardened to protect you when you felt tender under all that armor.
What kind of heart protects that which is not worthy?
What kind of heart serves someone who is not inherently precious?
Obviously you haven't given up on you yet.
Look how you haven't given up on you yet.
Look at that part.
Why would you put so much into yourself if you weren't already worthy?
Self worth is about acknowledging what's already there as enough already.
Self worth is about believing what's right in front of you.
Therefore you are inherently worthy of existing.
You fight to love and be loved because some part of you already knows you're inherently worthy of those things.
You're protecting yourself from harm because some part oof you already knows you're inherently worthy of protection & safety.
You fight for rest. Autonomy. Freedom.
Some part of you knows these are your birthright.
The issue isn't that we don't have a sense of self worth.
The issue is we're conditioned to question it so quickly, so often, that we start looking for everyone else's approval thinking our own isn't enough.
Self worth is about sitting down with these parts of you that know better, getting curious about them, and believing them when they speak up.
Self worth is about realizing the rigor with which all these different aspects of you have had your back this entire time.
And realizing that the more connected you are to that truth, the more fluid and felt that experience becomes.
From that place of already having a deeper sense of self worth, we get to approach life with a different energy.
An energy that walks into a room already knowing...
"I exist. I matter. I belong. I'm worthy of love and I have a right to love and be loved. I'm worthy of having my needs met. I'm worthy of rest. Of pleasure. Of joy. Of enlightenment. Of peace. Of community, growth, experience and exploration. Even in imperfection, I'm worthy. And me knowing that I'm worthy of all these things in imperfection gives others permission to know this, too."
From that space, not only do we achieve more, but we actually feel it when we do.
This protects us, the people we love, and our communities from our own capacity for greed, selfish, and oppressive behaviors.
Because all of those behaviors exist to prove our worth externally where we lack it internally.
The only parts of us that feel the need to prove something to someone else are the parts we haven't already acknowledged as worthy within ourselves.
That's why we're seeking it outside of us to begin with.
That's the trap. Because no one outside of us can fill that void no matter how much they try.
But when we see that we already are enough and have been this entire time...
We also are able to realize when we already have enough.
It's those who keep looking outside of ourselves for some proof of worth that take the longest to find it.
It's been hiding in plain sight this entire time.
Rooting for you, always.
P.S. Journey subscribers are going to get an exercise in a few days to help them practice this. Make sure you've got the upgrade to get yours.
P.P.S. You can also work with me directly.