Surviving vs. Thriving
We grow up consumed by the need to survive and we enter adulthood consumed by the need to survive.
This is what it means to be a complex trauma survivor.
When we’re conditioned to survive we know very little about what it means to thrive.
I’ve met so many people since I started doing this work who don’t know what happiness feels like. What fulfillment feels like.
Who don’t know what brings them joy or enjoyment. They can’t touch it. They’ve got little to no recognition of holding that feeling in their bodies.
We have to find it from ground zero. A curiosity. An idea. A notion, of what it means to feel good. And what helps them find that feeling.
I’ve worked with others who have memories of these feelings. Who have evidence that these feelings exists for them - but it’s a glimmer. And also a luxury. They’re not allowed to prioritize it. The idea that these feelings can be a priority is a foreign concept.
“How?”
But one at a time, each of them makes it to the point of asking about these feelings and how to nurture a life for themselves where said feelings are in greater supply.
All of our journeys are different and yet this one turning point seems inevitable:
One by one, each of our systems says to us, “survival is no longer enough“.
And each of our systems stand on business. No longer allowing us to simply survive.
We lose motivation and ambition. All we can do is rest and toil about how much we’re resting.
My belief at this point is that the system challenges us to learn to live for the love of ourselves instead of the fear for ourselves.
And once we realize this, we overcorrect as the pendulum swings.
We take it to mean no more survival! Only thriving!
And we follow a bunch of IG influencers that know nothing about the realities of our lives or how we’re receiving this message, yet they insist this is the way.
It fuels our fire for change, and change we do.
A bunch of us go through a serious rage-spell against capitalism to our own detriment.
We reject capitalism by rejecting our own financial wellbeing and safety. The baby and the bathwater do, in fact, go out together.
We reject responsibility in favor of agency.
We reject the constraints of consistency and discipline in favor of fun and spontaneity.
We heavily prioritize REST and PEACE. Which many of us really do severely need. No complaints there.
We’ve burned out on surviving. Now we’re solely focused on thriving.
Until we burn out on this particular strategy for thriving.
It turns out thriving doesn’t work alone.
One might even argue that it’s kind of tough to thrive if you’re dead. 🙂
Neglecting your survival kind of takes you there, not where you intended to go.
But so many of us need to have our process before realizing this. I don’t make the rules I just ride the wave with y’all.
But then the lightbulb hits:
It’s not that I needed to throw out surviving to thrive. It’s that I needed to realize I’m surviving to thrive.
When your system tells you “surviving isn’t enough,” it means stop settling for just that.
Survive, and more.
Surviving isn’t bad. I’m glad you’re here. The parts of you who are sick of your shit are want to be here. You want to be here.
I guess we value survival. Go figure.
The point is to realize survival doesn’t exist for the sake of itself.
Surviving is simply the fertile ground in which you grow your ability to thrive.
Make a living (survive) doing something that fulfills you (thrive).
Find a support system (survive) that you feel loved and understood by. That you get to enjoy and have fun with (thrive).
Build a home (survive) that your nervous system can relax and create art in. Dance in. Garden in. Raise happy children in (thrive).
Live a life (survive) that gives you adventure, enjoyment, pleasure (thrive).
You don’t have to choose between surviving and thriving, love.
Your caregivers didn’t get you all the way. But they got you halfway there - even if by your own lucky resilience and minimal effort on their part.
Even if they are the thing you survived, they helped you see the proof is there that you are very good at surviving. Even they cannot take that away from you.
You have made it this far against a mountain of odds.
Now keep going. Don’t throw away what you’ve learned. Survival is important.
Just do both.
And for the love of all things good and healthy, get your fucking bag. Just don’t hoard all the bags. Put an income cap on the number of bags you’re allowed to acquire and hold if that helps.
But as long as the need for bags exist, you deserve bags too.
Rooting for You,
Tori
P.S. If you want support with this, I have a couple spots available.
Tori Reid
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