Clarity Isn’t Always Clean
Sometimes you’re clear and afraid.
Sometimes you’re clear and grieving.
Sometimes you’re clear - you know exactly what you need to do - and it feels agonizing anyway.
This doesn’t mean you’re confused. It doesn’t mean there’s more to unpack or consider.
It means the truth isn’t always going to be comfortable for you. That isn’t its job.
Just because something feels right and true doesn’t mean it feels good.
A lot of us get stuck, second guess, and get stuck in bargaining with reality, waiting for clarity to feel clean.
Refreshing.
Alleviating.
Like we should feel at peace when we’re facing the scariest decision we’ve ever made in our lives.
Like our nervous system should regulate when we break up with someone we love, plunging ourselves into heartbreak, hard transitions, and grief.
Sometimes clarity shows up and grief is still in the room. Pain is still in the room. Risk is still in the room, with us.
And we feel it all.
I’m proud of myself for learning that clarity doesn’t always mean comfort.
I can be clear on what I need to do and feel terribly guilty about doing that thing. Pained about doing that thing. Afraid about doing that thing.
And I can do it anyway.
There’s a strength in this. There’s a portal to self respect and integrity in this.
I strive hard to support my clients - and everyone around me - to build this kind of capacity.
Because we often have to go through short term pain to reach the long term gains and transformations we’re after.
Yes, there is a certain comfort that comes with finally feeling clear. The confusion stops when we know.
But there are still other forms of friction we have to contend with, and our work is to build the capacity to hold multiple truths at once:
- “This is what’s right for me, and…”
- “I’m scared, and…”
- “I know it’s going to hurt, and…”
And I trust myself to navigate it all. I know I need to do this anyway.
The presence of fear doesn’t cancel out your knowing.
The presence of grief doesn’t make the decision wrong.
It means you’re living the full experience.
This is what it means to be human.
Find what feels right. Notice that - even when it doesn’t feel good yet.
Ask yourself if it’ll feel good when you thank yourself later. And remember that that’s enough.
That’s always enough.
Rooting for you,
Tori
P.S. If you’re learning to trust your decisions and your capacity to sit with what comes after, The Art of Self Trust might be a great fit for you.
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