"Bad Choices"

It’s funny. We get into the relationship when we see the red flags coming. We take the job we felt off about in the beginning. The opportunity we knew wasn’t the right fit but prioritized the “what if” of letting it go and regretting it later. 

We give the person another chance when they’ve already shown us what they do with those chances. Same with the job. The opportunity. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve known who acknowledge they stay too long for fear of letting go too soon. 

We do these things, then down the line when it goes as "badly" as we anticipated we say to ourselves, “I should’ve known.” 

Cue the spiral…

“I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.” 

We’ve all done it. I say it’s funny because this recurring experience creates and reinforces this anxious thought loop of “I can’t trust myself. I make bad choices.” 

But did you ever stop and consider it was the lack of trust for yourself that led to that choice to begin with?

What choice would you have made if you’d slowed down and heard the warning your gut was trying to give you? If you took it into consideration or heeded it, would it have made a difference? Do you think it could help to try this moving forward?

It’s certainly helped me.

Every time we kick ourselves for not being trustworthy to ourselves, I can almost guarantee there was a moment like that—a moment we ignored our gut, denying ourselves the opportunity to show just how trustworthy we can actually be–preceding it all.

I’m all for self-compassion, but if you’ve got to kick yourself for something, kick yourself into noticing how reliable your instincts have been this whole time.

You notice. You always notice. You are not allowed to ignore your noticing anymore. Negotiate with it, fine. But you have to stop ignoring it as if it means nothing. You have to start taking your word as seriously as you keep wishing everyone else would.

If the love must be tough, at least kick yourself up, not down. And still, go easy on it.

Remember that it makes sense why some people aren't quick to trust their gut. For starters, it never shows up alone. It’s always competing for our attention, usually against a very loud, urgent, chaotic anxiety. It sounds like self doubt. It sounds like despair. It's tough to distinguish between the these and the simple, subtler warning of our gut instinct telling us to pause, slow down, reconsider.

Second, our gut instinct challenges us to do the thing that’s right for us, and the thing that's right for us isn't always easy. That thing can actually be very, very hard and scary.

The choices our gut gives us might be better but they aren’t comfortable. Please understand that has nothing to do with you. Life isn’t comfortable. The best chance we've got is to get comfortable with that fact.

So even though the safe, right choice is often not comfortable, the thing to understand about your gut instinct is that it's often discerning a better kind of discomfort, for you. Usually the discomfort of learning to stop playing with fire this way on your nervous system. On your wellbeing, life, and relationships.

The discomfort of practicing a little patience for a better opportunity to come along. To practice some discipline to make those opportunities happen. To practice some healthier repair in the relationships you're currently in, and so on.

When your gut comes up and the answer is uncomfortable, get curious about whether this is a better kind of discomfort for you, specifically. A better growth curve that leads you, specifically, to where you want to be in your life. A kind of discomfort you'd feel better growing some capacity for.

If all of this feels true enough, I ask you again…

If all of these “bad choices” are happening as a result of you not trusting yourself…

What happens when you do?

What happens when you try it out?

Rooting for You, 

Tori

P.S. If you need support distinguishing between your gut and anxiety, I’m going to open up spots soon for new clients. Join the waitlist here.