Questions About Rage

I think a lot of people are angry and we have every right to be. I think rage is one of the most valid emotions we can feel right now. And I wonder: is validity the point?

We learn that to befriend our rage means to stop suppressing it. Stop treating it as inherently bad or dangerous or mean. Understand that it’s here for you, in wisdom, and its message is something worthwhile. Ultimately, rage tells us what needs to be destroyed. It will do the destroying if we let it. Rage gives us the energy to release and create space for something new. It does a lot of work to tear down old paradigms, systems, relationships, norms. To be a good friend to our rage is to let it breathe and learn to honor it. This is important work. And, this is not everything we need to know about rage.

We also need to know that rage is not infinite. To be a good friend to our rage is to also know when to let it rest. To not take it for granted and leave our rage overworked and underpaid. 

To honor rage is to ask questions. When is its job complete? What did your rage set out to destroy and how do you know when it’s done? How can you tell when is it destroying more than you intended? You wanted to destroy your old role and expectations. Did you mean for the relationships to be burned down with them? You meant to destroy what they thought of you. Did you mean to also destroy what they think of themselves? Of the world? 

Have you learned to notice when your rage overstays its welcome? Can you feel when your empowered rage transforms into that aimless, drowning ache of despair?

What do you do with it, then?

Rage is one of the most valid emotions we can feel right now. But validity cannot be the point of it. 

And if that’s hard to swallow I’ll ask you, when did you notice yourself becoming addicted to your rage? Does this matter to you? Are you happy with your rage existing for the sake of itself? Does this protect you from something? Truly? Or does it weigh you down in ways you’re afraid to face?

Rage destroys, we know this. Do you expect it to build something for you when it’s done? Has it ever? Is this the liberation you’re looking for? What does it look like to be enraged and liberated and safe at the same time? If your rage does grant you so much safety and liberation, what are you still engaged about? Are you ready to notice when you’re liberated and safe enough to let your rage go? Or do you need to keep it for the sake of itself?

A part of honoring your rage is to understand that it works hard. It deserves rest. You deserve rest. You deserve joy. You deserve hope. We have a lot of work to do. You deserve the hopeful, joyous work of building, not just destroying. 

You deserve to know when to surrender your rage so that you can know wellness. You deserve to know that you’re destroying all of these things for a reason. Because you hoped and believed something better could exist in its place. But healed systems, environments, families, and relationships aren’t built on rage.

Rage destroys. It eats away at the things we place in its path.

When it’s done eating everything else around you, your rage will keep eating if you let it. Even when your own sanity, your body, and whatever you love is all that’s left to bite into.

We all have more work to do with our rage. 

Mind yours. 

Rooting for You, 

Tori