Do you fear and reject your anger?
Who taught you to?
Who were they serving when they taught you your voice is dangerous?
Who were they serving when they taught you aggression was the only way to express anger, and then taught you to fear yourself when you followed the script?
Who were they serving when they taught you to fear one of the most loving parts of yourself?
Because they definitely weren't serving you.
A Reintroduction to Anger
If you love mixing it up with video, here's a primer below. Otherwise feel free to keep reading. (The articles always go deeper anyway).
Think of a time someone got angry on your behalf.
A best friend or relative maybe, coming to your defense.
How did it feel?
Did you feel loved? Protected? Valued? Like you matter to someone?
Did it say to you:
“Someone cares about me. My needs. My safety.”
Maybe you even felt a little more empowered to stand up for yourself and say, “Yeah. That thing that happened? That’s not okay with me. And I am angry about it”.
Maybe you felt empowered to do something on behalf of yourself. To take action.
It's fascinating. Truly. When other people are angry for us we experience all these beautiful things…
But when we're angry on our own behalf...
We feel afraid and "wrong" for expressing it.
Sometimes we feel wrong for feeling it at all.
If this is you, we get to work on changing that today.
Each of us has a best friend & guardian inside of us, waiting to empower us from the inside out. If only we would notice.
Its name is Anger.
If you look back and really get to know your anger, I'd bet money you'd discover a few things, like:
- Your anger is that friend who stands up for you. Reminds you your needs are worth advocating for and your boundaries are worth protecting.
- Anger believes you deserve to be protected. It values you. It's the part of you that knows you matter. Your needs matter. Your experience matters. How you feel matters.
- It’s a part of you that loves you unconditionally. It doesn't question that you are worthy of love. You might have other parts of you that have questions about it, but your anger does not. In fact, you might notice it often fights those other parts that do question it.
- Lastly, you might notice your anger tries really hard to give you a voice. When speaking through you. Your anger is 100% willing to love you out loud.
The question is if you're letting it. And if you are, what does that look like?
Because let's be real, humans have done a terrible job teaching one another how to develop a healthy relationship with our anger.
One where we understand and respect its power, but we don't fear it. We lead it. We channel it skillfully and within our values.
A relationship that empowers us so we don't have to get aggressive from a disempowered place, or otherwise hide from anger altogether.
Something tells me that if we had a healthier relationship with our own anger we'd feel more secure to hold space for it. To partner with it. To let it empower us to use our voices and stand in our boundaries in healthy, loving ways.
We'd also feel more secure to hold space for other peoples' anger. How many fallouts could this deescalate? How many lives could be saved if we knew how to hold space for one another's anger before it reached the point of aggression?
I believe these things would make us, our relationships, and the world, a lot less aggressive overall. A lot less dangerous.
That’s the dream, but right now it's not happening. Because our relationship with anger is fractured. Broken.
And it shows.
It doesn’t have to be this way though.
We each could do our part.
Transforming Your Relationship With Anger
We’re going to walk through what's basically a masterclass on anger that gives you 5 practices for harnessing your anger and channeling it for self-empowerment.
As you get to know and work with your own anger, the anger of others will also be easier to manage. It'll feel more familiar. You'll better understand what to do when it arises, should you need to deal with it.
Take your time. This isn't meant to be read once for some epiphanies and never looked at again. Come back to this again and again as you work to transform your relationship with anger.
Find one thing you want to work on right now, then come back when you get a handle on it. You'll likely notice something else stand out for you, then, to help you continue on.
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